How the Bible Can Help You in Your Grief

The Bible affirms grieving
This is an important place to start because many people in the church wonder if grieving is in some way a lack of faith in God. So it’s a good place to start to show that the Bible does affirm and even encourage grief in the midst of suffering.

Job 3—One of the most righteous of all God’s people mourns in grief and spends an entire chapter of the Bible cursing the day he was born, wishing he had never lived. This helps people to have permission to grieve—even the most godly people grieve.

Psalm 88—This is the most gut-wrenching Psalm in the Bible. It ends with the Psalmist still in despair. This again creates room. By inspiring this Psalm, God taught his people to grieve and to acknowledge real grief without simplistic answers.

Psalm 44—This Psalm acknowledges the reality that people who have experienced the blessings of God can experience such hardship and suffering in life that it feels like they have been abandoned by God.

In the Gospel, God joins us in our grief
Psalm 22—This Psalm becomes one of the most powerful Psalms for those grieving when we understand that Jesus quoted this Psalm while he was on the cross (Matthew 27:46). Reading this Psalm in that light helps us understand how the gospel begins to speak to the grief and mourning and depression we feel when we suffer. God cares so much about our suffering that he entered into it himself. He isn’t absent from suffering, but entered into it on the cross, so that he could pass through suffering and into the hope of resurrection. Jesus’ work on the cross shows us that God is with us in our suffering and he will lead us through it.

God’s Presence and Promises give us hope in our grief
Psalm 23—This Psalm’s powerful image of God being our shepherd comes near to us in grief where it says in verse 4—“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” This promise is most clearly seen on the cross, and it demonstrates that since Jesus had entered into the worst death for us, he’ll surely be with us in all of our suffering.

Psalm 13—This is a brief expression of how the gospel can meet us in our suffering and bring us back to God. In the midst of the Psalmist’s grief, he throws himself back on God’s steadfast love, and finds comfort and hope in the midst of his suffering.

Christians have hope in the midst of grief
1Thessalonians 4:13—This is a new testament passage that differentiates the way that Christians grieve. It affirms that Christians do in fact grieve. It’s not human to live above grief—it’s a part of the human experience. But, Christians grieve as those who have hope in God who will reverse death and bring about the restoration of all things.

The Gospel transforms grief into opportunity
2Corinthians 1:8-11—Here the apostle Paul describes the reality of dealing with suffering. He was “burdened beyond his own strength,” he “despaired of life itself,” and he “felt the sentence of death.” This is a great acknowledgement of the reality of suffering, even for the most mature of God’s people. He also acknowledges his desperate need for others to pray for him, so that God’s power would bring about good through his suffering.

2Corinthians 1:3-7—Here the apostle Paul shares the remarkable conclusion that he has come to about his own suffering. He has suffered in prolonged, extreme, and repeated ways both physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Yet, God has comforted him in his suffering SO THAT he might be able to comfort others who are suffering. This brings remarkable hope not only that God can comfort us, but that he will do more than that. As God brings us comfort, he will use us to be able to comfort others who have no hope in their suffering.

Questions:
Do you feel like you have permission to grieve?
Have you been able to experience God’s presence in the midst of your grief?
Do you experience hope in the midst of your grief?

Courageous Parenting: Psalm 19, part 2

Parents are called to raise their children in "the instruction of the Lord"(Ephesians 6:4).  Psalm 19:7-11 might be the best place to find a comprehensive description of what Jesus' instruction entails.

 

Psalm 19:7-11 

7 The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul;

the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; 

8 the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; 

9 the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;

the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. 

10 More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold;

sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. 

11 Moreover, by them is your servant warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.

 

So great parenting (which also applies to all discipleship) involves helping our children (and those we are helping to grow spiritually) to be able to see  the first half of the lines in this Psalm, and to experience the second half of each line in this Psalm.

 

We want our children to see that

The Law of the Lord is perfect

The testimony of the Lord is sure

The precepts of the Lord are right

The commandment of the Lord is pure

The fear of the Lord is clean

The rules of the Lord are true

 

We want our children to experience that

The law of the Lord revives the soul

The testimony of the Lord makes wise the simple

The precepts of the Lord rejoice the heart

The commandment of the Lord enlightens the eyes

The fear of the Lord endures forever

The rules of the Lord are righteous altogether

 

If we can help them grow into seeing and experiencing Psalm 19, they'll conclude that God's law is more to be desired that riches or pleasures.

They'll conclude that God's law provides both warning and blessing.  Blessing if it's followed, helpful alarms and warning if it' s not.

 

How do you help kids (and adults for that matter) see that God's word is perfect, sure, right, pure, clean, and true?

 

How do you help kids (and adults for that matter) see that God's word can revive the soul, make wise the simple, rejoice the heart, enlighten the eyes, endure forever, and is righteous altogether?

 

I would study each one of these lines and try to think of particular situations where I could point this out to the kids and teach them the appropriate verse that goes along with it.  I would determine where I've experienced these things in my own life and share those things with them.

Different Ways of Convincing Others

Some people persuade and convince others to agree with them by simply stating their different position.

Some people persuade and convince others to agree with them by trying to translate what they believe into the langauge of the person they are trying to persuade. 

The first results in the others leaving where they are and entering into the new thinking domain of the person who convinced them.  They often will learn to articulate their new views by parroting the one who convinced them.  

The second results in someone staying where they are but bringing the new idea into their existing thinking domain.  They often will learn to articulate their new views within the domain where they are in language that is native to where they are.

This is a good explanation of different kinds of churches.  Some churches stand outside the culture and call folks from the culture to leave the culture and join the separate culture of the church.  Other churches want converts to stay within the culture where they are and come up with ways to speak the reality of Jesus into their culture.

Unfortunately, many of these two kinds of churches think their way is the only way, and they don't want to try to appreciate the other.  That is frustrating because they both need each other... and so does the world.

Courageous Parenting: The Instruction of the Lord, Psalm 19

Ephesians 6:4 says that parents need to raise their children using Jesus' discipline and instruction.  Hebrews 12 describes Jesus' discipline.  Psalm 19:7-11 may be the best place to summarize Jesus' instruction:

Psalm 19:7-11  

7 The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; 

the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple;  

8 the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; 

the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;  

9 the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; 

the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether.  

10 More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; 

sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.  

11 Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

The word "Law" in the Old Testament typically means "instruction."  It's not simply the rules of the Old Testament, but it's the totality of God's instruction to his people.  It includes the stories, the wisdom, the examples, the Psalms, and the rules.  We see that in this Psalm because it describes the law as including testimonies, precepts, commandments, fear, and rules.  

One of my favorite images for the "Instruction of the Lord" is the image of a path.  God's way is the path that leads to abundant life now (John 10:10) and eternal life to come (John 17:3).  Psalm 23:3 describes it as "the paths of righteousness."  We want our children to grow up on this path and to stay on it throughout their lives.  So we want to raise them in "the instruction of the Lord."  

How could these verses influence your parenting?  What could you do to help your children, or others to experience the reality of these verses?  We'll explore the lines of this Psalm in future posts.

Courageous Parenting: The Instruction of the Lord

Ephesians 6:4 says that parenting should should be characterized by "the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  What is "the instruction of the Lord"?

Instruction is a Greek word that means "counsel about avoidance or cessation of an improper course of conduct."  It can be translated "admonition or warning."  Here are the other places where the word is used in the New Testament:

Titus 3:10--Reject a factious man after a first and second "warning."

1Co 10:5-11--5 Nevertheless, with most of them God was not pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness.  6 Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did.  7 Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, "The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play."  8 We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day.  9 We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents,  10 nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer.  11 Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.

The verb form of the word is used in these places:

1 Corinthians 4:14 I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children.

1 Thessalonians 5:14 And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

2 Thessalonians 3:15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

What is striking is that this word is used to describe how to approach people who are part of God’s family, the church.  So the instruction of the Lord is designed for "brothers and sisters and children of the church."  Warning people as family members means that they are thought of as part of God's family. 

Acts 20:31; Rom 15:14; Col 1:28; Col 3:16 are the other instances where this word is used, and each is a place that describes how to treat people who are in the church.

So the instruction of the Lord is the warning that is given to people who are in God's family.  These are people who have a relationship with God.  If a relationship with God is a path that we walk on through life, then Ephesians 6:4 uses two terms that help us understand parenting.  The Lord's discipline is raising a child to stay on the path of a relationship with God.  The Lord's instruction is how you warn your children against leaving the path, or how to warn them if they have left the path. 

The Lord has a way of disciplining and instructing his children.  Both are tied to God's word and to the Gospel.  We've looked at how Hebrews 12 describes the Lord's discipline.  What is so moving is that when the Bible describes how Jesus warns us from leaving the path, he does it in a way that flows directly from the Gospel. 

Jesus does speak a lot--frankly we need his wisdom and insight for our lives.  But even more importantly, Jesus warns us as much through his actions as his words.  For every time that we fail to heed God's instruction, for every time we leave the path of our relationship with God, Jesus doesn't just speak to us to warn us, but Jesus went to the cross.  In going to the cross, Jesus both shows us the consequences of our sins, AND he shows us that he loves us enough to suffer the consequences of our sins.

Actions speak louder than words, especially when it comes to instruction, warning, and parenting.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”  This is often quoted regarding people who are hypocrites.  When it comes to Jesus' warnings, though, it takes on a radical new dimension.  Our sins aren't just wrong, but they break down the fabric of shalom that God built into the world.  The guilt that we feel is designed to be an alarm that calls us back from our sins to restore the peace with God and others and ourselves. 

The guilt that we feel, especially the guilt that we feel from the verbal warnings of Jesus, these words that make us wonder if Jesus is a power-hungry, never satisfied perfectionist.  But when the sound of Jesus' words is mixed in with his consistent, self-giving love... a self-giving love that compelled him to offer himself on the cross...

...THEN his warnings are swallowed up with hope and possibility and love!

Jesus' death on the cross is the chief way that Jesus instructs/warns us.  He takes on our sins and demonstrates his love for us so much so that he sets us free.  He warns us as one who is so driven by love that he'll do anything to help us understand.  In the backdrop of all his warnings is the assurance of his love, that he has done everything necessary so that our relationship with God is never severed.

Two questions to make this practical:

FIRST:  In your life, in your personal relationship with Jesus, have you heard "the instruction of the Lord" in a duet with the cross?  Have you heard "the instruction of the Lord" as the cross itself?

Receive it!  Hear it!  It is true for you!  He loves you so much that before you ever heard his warning, he sacrificed himself so that you could be assured of his love and forgiveness.

SECOND:  How can you bring this "instruction of the Lord" to life in your parenting?  How can your parenting reflect the double way that Jesus warns us—in both words and actions?

For starters, it will mean understanding your kids.  Jesus words on the cross come racing to mind:  “Father, forgive them.  They don’t know what they are doing”(Luke 23:34).

Pray that God would show you.  In this you will be following Jesus more deeply, understanding him more personally.  Jesus trained disciples. You can connect your parenting to that aspect of his ministry.  This is something that will help you know him better.

Help me, Father, to show your love and restoring forgiveness as I instruct my kids!

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Courageous Parenting: The Discipline of the Lord

How do we raise our children?  Ephesians 6:4 says to raise them in the disicpline and instruction of the Lord.

What is the discipline of the Lord?  Hebrews 12 is one great place where this concept is fleshed out.  Verses 5, 7, 8, 11 use this word "discipline." 

Heb 12:5-11 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

One thing that strikes me is that while I am seeking to raise my kids with God's discipline, I realize that in the process of me disciplining my kids, God uses that process to discipline ME!  That resets the whole process when I think that God wants to use the process in my life to make me like him as much as he wants to use it in my kids lives to make them more like him.  That's huge.

Verses 6-8 shows that the disicpline of the Lord is an affirmation of adoption.  The one being disciplined is a child of God.  That's good news.  God only disciplines his own children.  So if you're being discipline, remind yourself that this is a sign of God's love and care for you.

Then make sure that your love and care for your children comes across in the way that you discipline them.  This means affirming your love for them, caring for them and reminding them of the big picture of what discipline is for.

Verses 9-11  seem to be an encouragement not to be provoked to anger by God's discipline.  Don't get mad, realize that God is using it for you to grow and become all that he wants you to be.  God disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  All discipline yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. 


Father, help me to welcome your discipline in my life. Let it bring peace to me!
And help me to reflect your purposes in my discipline of my kids.  By the way that I talk to them, by my own attitude, help me to show them love and purpose in the discipline.

I think to do this right with our kids, we need to be able to draw the lines between our discipline, and the changes that come in our kids' lives as a result of our discipline.  Drawing these lines will keep us sane (because it IS working--albeit slowly), and it will keep our kids encouraged (so that they can see God's plan IS working in their lives as they grow and mature).