Understanding opens the door to love--even if you hate what you understand.
Speaker for the Dead, by Orson Scott Card powerfully demonstrates how to help people through understanding. To be a Speaker is to offer a eulogy at a funeral that speaks on behalf of the person deceased. To Speak for someone requires that you understand their motivations, passions, aims, goals, etc. To do this for someone requires that you get closer and closer to seeing the world as they did (even if you don't agree with them). When you do this, you can’t help but love them—even in their brokenness, because you see what they are trying to do.
Ender Wiggen, the original Speaker for the Dead, develops this ability in Ender's Game (the prequel to Speaker for the Dead). Ender's Game describes Ender's development as a military leader whose understanding of his enemies is what enabled him to impossible foes. He knew their weaknesses because he was able to see the world through their eyes. He used their weaknesses against them. Here's how it is described in Ender’s Game (p261):
Ender: “In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves.”
In Speaker for the Dead, this gift that Ender has begins to be used to give a voice to the deceased. Speaking for the dead--representing them with their perspectives, motivations, fears, emotions, and goals--was often an incredibly painful process that opened wounds and unresolved conflicts. Ender's speaking ultimately brought healing and wholeness to the people who knew the deceased, because it brought understanding.
I have found the power of this practice to be even greater for people who are alive.
This is some of the best pastoral training I’ve read. It is especially poignant because the instruction comes in a narrative that is incredibly engaging. Thank you, Orson Scott Card!
