How to Deal with Pain from Others

How do I get people to stop hurting me?
How do I forget the pain that they caused me?

Here's the bad news:  It's not possible to get people to stop hurting you.  It's also not possible to forget that pain.

But it is possible to handle the pain, and even to know God better through the pain.  Here's how:

1.  You have to be open and honest about the pain and damage that the person or people cause you.
2.  You need to go to the cross of Jesus, because there you find someone who shows us how to respond when someone hurts you.
3.  You will probably not be able to handle this process completely by yourself, so you'll need to either go to the person that hurt you, and/or include a trusted friend who can help you do steps 1 and 2.

The real power and healing in this process comes when you see that Jesus is so much more than just an example to follow.  The cross is the place where he suffered for the sins of the world.  That includes my sin.  It was partially because of my sin that Jesus was on the cross.  When he gave his life, he wasn't just being a good example for me, he was actually saving me.  He was there because he was committed to dealing with the pain that my sin has caused him.  For the times when I've ignored him and rebelled against him.  He died for me!

When I make this connection, I feel like I tap into his inexhaustible love--love that knows no bounds--love that is immeasurable in its height and depth and breadth and length.  This is what gives me the love and grace to not be controlled by the sorrow or the anger that comes from inside me.  It also gives me the ability to respond in love to those who hurt me.

But we often can't do this alone.  We need to tell the story of our hurt--either to the person who hurt us, or to others close to us.  As we tell the story of our hurt with people--especially people who can bring us to the Jesus who was broken and poured out for us, it will help us to understand his purpose in our suffering.

It'll show us personally Jesus' victory over sin and evil.  We'll see more of God's presence and God's culture on earth when we are able to not forget the hurt, but to forgive it.  I've always loved the definition of forgiveness that says, "I'm not going to make you pay for what you've done." (Now understand, I may not let you do this to me again, but I'm not going to lash out or extract a pound of flesh for you in my suffering).  This truly unites us to the sufferings of Christ and it shows us how Jesus' forgiving love overcomes evil and sin.

May Jesus minister to you in your pain, may you know more intimately the painful price that he rejoiced to pay to show you his love, and may Jesus give you the community you need so you're not alone as you process the pain when it comes.