What Is Fathering?

Fathering is LOVING AUTHORITY.  Loving authority.

I think that sums up everything the Bible says about what is means to be a father—both earthly and heavenly.

God is a Heavenly Father:  in authority over His children. He is in charge. 

BUT, God’s authority is loving.  This means that God uses every ounce of His authority to SERVE.  This is what he does.  God doesn’t use His authority to serve Himself, but to serve us.  His instruction isn’t an effort to control us, but to show us the way to experience the greatest life we could possibly live.  God’s actions are always geared toward saving, rescuing, nurturing, defending, protecting His people.  Even the wrath of God is a reflection of God protecting his children from their (and His) enemies.  God is in charge, and uses all of His in-charge-ness to serve.

What’s the ultimate proof of this?  Jesus!  Jesus came as God the Son, and yet Jesus is the revelation of the Father (John 14:8-9; Colossians 1:15). 

As Jesus shows us the Father, we see that Jesus is LOVING AUTHORITY.  Jesus said, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.  ⁴³ But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,  ⁴⁴ and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.  ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many“(Mark 10:42-45).  Even Jesus’ Lordship is described as Loving Authority.  This is what it means to have God as Father.  You live under His LOVING AUTHORITY.

Earthly Fathers were intended by God to image their Heavenly Father.  God has designed earthly fathering to be REFLECTIVE and TRANSITIONAL. 

Reflective means that earthly fathers are supposed to be reflections of God’s fathering.  Everything I said above about God’s fathering should characterize earthly fathering.  Yes they have authority.  But they are to use their authority to serve their children.  If an earthly father is using his authority to serve himself, this is an abominable corruption of God’s intention.  Earthly fathers are to be like mirrors of God’s loving authority.  They are to be like windows, where God’s Spirit shines through their words and actions. 

Transitional means that earthly fathers have a diminishing authority over their children as they get older.  This is an important reminder that the goal of earthly fathering is to so image Heavenly Fathering, that children would see, experience, know, and love their Heavenly Father.  As children grow up, an earthly father transitions:

                FROM:  standing in between his child and God, reflecting God’s loving authority, and interceding for them through prayer, nurture, and loving instruction.

                TO:  taking his place alongside his child, together looking up and experiencing God’s loving authority as brothers and sisters.

This brings both humility and a sense of stewardship to earthly fathering.  Humility because the earthly father knows that he too is under God’s authority.  Stewardship because he realizes that his child is ultimately God’s child and so he is caring for a child of God.

This is what fathering is in the heavenly and earthly senses.

I would say that in our world, where we all fight against our own weaknesses, we recognize that there is no perfect earthly father.  There has never been a perfect earthly father.  Jesus was never an earthly father, though He did perfectly express loving authority.  With all human efforts, we must make room for the need for God’s grace and forgiveness.  If we think about the Biblical standard of earthly fathering improperly, many might toss it out as impossible.  We need God’s grace, and we need to show grace to earthly fathers who all fall short of the standard of reflecting God’s fathering.   

Having said that, I also believe that parenting is covenantal, not simply biological.  We see this clearly in a positive sense with adoption.  In adoption, parents make covenants, legally obligating themselves as their bring children in as real members of their family.

I think the reverse is also true when it comes to parenting.  If parents are guilty of egregious abuse that violates the covenant they make to care for their children, then I think that a child can recognize that and, with great grief and lamentation, separate from his or her parents.  I believe that it’s important to forgive abusive parents, but God doesn’t tell us that children have to keep letting their parents abuse them.  This takes wisdom and (I would recommend) the counsel of pastors and elders to help people navigate these issues.